ps: i'm glad i didnt get what i wanted so badly then, because now i see that it was never good for me. All i needed to do was to hang on a little longer. guess You knew it all along didnt you? thank you for saving me from what wouldve been a blissful stint that would later leave me in devastating pain. subhanallah
i just read amee's blog again and now i feel like ive turned to dust wonder how Rasulullah could keep forgiving all those crappy people and i cant even hear the names of those who caused all this hatred in me when their actions are nothing compared to what he faced
But for humans, if someone were to hurt us, we either cut off the person, or we restrict certain privileges right?
..Each time someone hurt me, I will make doa for the person. The more they hurt me, they more I made doa for the person, the more I would send the rewards of my charity and my recitation of the Qur’an to the person. Even when it got really bad, I would cry and fear that on the Last Day, the person would be accountable for what he/she has done to me. And I would ask Allah to forgive the person because I had forgiven the person. ...love was the only thing that made forgiving that much easier.
one day i will really run away or kill someone or more than just one person i wish everyone would just leave me the fuck alone i wish i could disappear or be elsewhere somewhere living things dont exist to belittle,scream,order,question,breathe down my goddamn neck somewhere i dont have to carry fake, meaningless ties with people through the years and have you think of it as something with immense worth when its just empty and you dont see that because its all been on your side, like i need your approval to know whats acceptable in life, as if i need to meet your expectations to be a person, and yours and yours and yours too somewhere people i care about dont suddenly reveal themselves to be monsters who would not only just leave but take everything and everyone with them somewhere i dont have to be around people who are SO FUCKING LOST in themselves somewhere living things who cant see justice dont exist somewhere living things dont vent all the weight on their shoulders on me just because i dont retaliate, because my words are drowned by your sodding screams somewhere parts of me dont start to disintegrate somewhere an old companion wouldnt fade away somewhere i would have a friend
anyway
pics of yesterday's trip already been posted in multiply. theres a tonne here. yanti got pics of ur beloved NEK JAH. HAHAHAHAHAH
cant wait to meet me hearty soon. monthsary this week LETS CHILLOUT pack food and we'll go somewhere nice or go on ur duck thing lol miss you heaps! <3 and thanks for making me happy :} (maybe you're the compensation for all the heartaches and pain)
crap! metallics are out already! and by august, the ever beloved aj3 will be re-released, even though in a colourway that isnt quite a favourite but still! my birthday's in august HMMMMM lol
and they're also releasing the gladiateurs for the girls..only in MY SIZE (8womens, 7-7.5mens) DAMMIT!!!!!
(they have em in black too)
also, have heard about MJ's reversion before his passing. Inna lillah wa inna ilayhi raji’un. (on thursday morning of Rajab somemore...wahlau..he must truly be loved) may he rest in peace.
MJ vs MJ (start watching 45sec onwards cos its just the blabbering in the beginning) even though im not really a fan of his crotch grabbing moves, or think that his moonwalks are something to swoon over, or even like any of his songs (ok la maybe a few lol) but jackson seemed to have always been a...soft person, despite all the crappy media.
ok anyway, today i fetched yat from work. SO EXCITING. i bought keropok lekor for myself and bubble tea for him hahaha. must start working on some meetup schedule soon..friday dinner's a must though! :) we took 80 and ate at harbour front where i bought crappy western food then i bought cheap shoes! HIGH HEEL OK!!!!!!!! I DIDNT FALL AH! i just thought...maybe i should keep at least ONE PAIR of women's shoes. with heels. something that wont make me fall. i walked in this particular pair for a bit and so far, so good. hahhahahahahahahaha
no pics today though need to hog on the phone a bit and hit the sack tomorrow today we're leaving at 5am. going for the DURIAN PIGOUT TRIP to msia!
ps: i miss you a lot ah.
pps: this ninth blog seems to be more visual compared to the past ones.
ps: pls visit APPEALS (not for the faint hearted) :(
pps: please also visit PENNY..she needs our help. otherwise you can also spread the word to friends who might be interested to adopt/donate. THIS OLD LADY IS REALLY VERY..POOR THING.
congrats to me hearty for getting the really nice job! second job interview..and already started. [snagglepuss] on the same day even! [/snagglepuss]
anyway.
a turning point into a new phase of real life has just begun (soon for me too, i hope!!) for a moment, i had this sudden asphyxiation as the thoughts of past, harrowing experiences suddenly gushed over me. but i think, i'll be alright. this is real. this is for..ever. this time will be better, insyaallah.
apek wearing bright blue wig at bedok interchange, walking around aimlessly.
Wake from your sleep The drying of your tears, today we escape, we escape Pack and get dressed, before your father hears us, before, all hell breaks loose Breathe, keep breathing, don't lose your nerve, breathe, keep breathing I can't do this alone
Sing us a song, a song to keep us warm, there's such a chill, such a chill You can laugh a spineless laugh We hope your rules and wisdom choke you now we are one in everlasting peace We hope that you choke, that you choke
i was so scared i had my eyes closed and was prepared to see Cs or Ds or even U. sitting for exams with my kind of near-death period cramps is no joke. i guess my TMAs helped me with the score cause i know how i answered the exam papers.. now i just need to maintain the current gpa if i wanna get into hons or maybe try build up some more so its in the completely safe level. hope it works out. YAY.
may happiness find you and give you strength to face the one thing that freaks you out (life). live well and live strong..and dont give up coke (you wont anyway HAHAHA). and lastly..TAKE IT EASY :)
i have so much hate and anger in me, sometimes i wish i dont know people so i can be liberated from blinding, torturing evil that creeps up and suffocates me.
anyway.
(backups for our ritual rounds of Uno. reliving our childhood)
yat will kill me without mercy for posting this but i really need to snap out of this funk he "coached" me on the moves spontaneously and yes i did hi-five the air somewhere in the middle, where i also danced madly on my own thinking he had stopped the recording (which he didnt). this was quite some time back, with 2-min setup for "props" and some fuckin budget editing. (it was never meant to go public)
the kind of crap we do. its so lame and idiotic that it was actually massive fun. you seriously cannot imagine.
anyway,
t-rex is officially, affectionately known as Aargh (inaudibly. just the facial expression) and yes i am sometimes too blur and clumsy (maybe cause i always know at the back of my mind its alright as long as yat's around)
ps: i need to leave this place. pps: i think i feel a bit better now.
i was about to explode at the most hazardous peak of my pms when yat just made me burst laughing (alone, in my room) and skillfully let himself off the hook.
today, for the first time, i have failed as woman.
i dont think i've ever been so honest (maybe too honest!) in an interview i think i blabbered like an old story teller i had to see 4 big shots (women) who sat in front of me listening to me pouring my heart out with a shaky voice and tried to laugh the nervousness off!
SIGH. im so scared if i mightve screwed it up by talking too much! hopefully my luck turns out the same as how it did for the study award. (insyaallah) HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY!
(except when they ask u where ur last job was after u've worked in mna)
anyway, yesterday was a very happy day despite the super scary start i'm in love! :)
a typical scenario. the bird was originally sitting on top of the aircon thing and looking and chirping to Hanie, before turning away and flying around. the birds around my neighbourhood like to pay "visits" to Hanie and drive her mad because...she can never catch them. (no matter how low or still she tries to be) poor Hanie. maybe i should give her a bird or some small animal for her to torture. Hanie doesnt usually eat pests she catches and slaps them around :)
i'm not one who eats healthy so for years my parents have been forcing me to eat those multivitamins anyway at GNC few nights ago, when my dad was buying his regular supplements, i finally bought this, much to my parents' joy (despite it actually being recommended for kids. but...ANYTHING to make me eat this kinda shit) anyway i thought it wouldnt kill to buy, especially when the packaging made it look sweet
BUT IT TASTES AWFUL. nowhere close to their "great taste like candy" description. not only are they sickly pale and the size of a 20cent coin, they taste like those pink, thick syrup that doctors prescribed to me when i was a child. i feel so cheated!!! how do people actually eat this kind of stuff!!! I'M NEVER GONNA BUY THESE SHIT AGAIN. I WANT TO BURN GNC!!!!
and now every morning my mum asks me "have u taken one?" and when i say no, she'd literally force it into my mouth and say "DONT BE SO STUBBORN. THESE ARE GOOD FOR YOU!!! U NEED THESE!!!"
I'M SO DOOMED. IVE GOT ONE FUCKING BOTTLE TO FINISH.
ps: my days have been very unproductive lately, i cant seem to get started with plans. i'm slowly decaying.
i know i was supposed to update on our 44th but i was too busy bumming, and i guess i'm not gonna update after all HAHAHAA. its all in my multiply lah.
all i got to say is, i was late despite arranging to meet at jurong east..yat's really getting way better than me at being punctual (considering he stays at like, MIDDLE EARTH). so anyway because i was a bit late we didnt have time to eat at Pats or anything so we headed straight to science ctr and bought like 20 pc nuggets, fries and coke and we talk cock all the way, before the day actually started. i had an incredible time and i'm happy and contented.
subjective well being is more inclined towards quantity. keep doing things that make you happy rather than saving yourself for one big happy moment.
but screw positive psych, something we learnt from a film, the secret to happiness is.. simply having fun. and thats something i'm pretty sure we're good at, especially when we can literally laugh at the every single shit that passes us by, talking about anything and everything with such comfort and finding the joy in whatever the topic may be. from the start, yat's brought colour into my life and stopped my brain from chewing itself up. laughter is REALLY the best medicine.
C: I don't know why we do this. B: Come on, come with me. C: Ok, what are we doing here? B: We came to see that (they look at Arizona's patient that got better, everyone crowding around him with smiles on their faces) S: What? B: The joy. It comes around rarely, so rarely we forget it can happen. But that, that's why we do this. The joy.
and when things get sour, i suppose we're back to how things used to be pre-NS when we could talk everything out and not let it snowball for days. or giving me some time to cool off before talking it out (so i dont become fucking unreasonable and mentally-torturing kind of nasty) .seriously, ns is fucked up and im glad its over. i'm even more glad to know i made the right choice.
and after 44 months, my heart still races when i see him walking towards me from the other end of the train station with that huge smile plastered on his face and that familiar rhythm in his steps.
last night we went to nike's private event for the launching of the 3rd colourway of the yeezys. unfortunately we didnt win the ballotting..(i really shouldnt be blogging about this) but that also meant that we've got more pocket money in hand! i'm really sure that it all happened for some better reason. it was..an odd mix of an experience. still, we won some goodies and vouchers lol
pics in multiply btw
(calming each other from the nervewreck)
happy and dancing in the bus
sorry if there's too much mush in this post once in a while i need to remind myself that it's not so bad after all.
theres a lot of things im planning to do. i used to miss being depressed because i had an overflow of ideas and creativity although i keep the world at an arm's length but being happy makes me feel brave to take on the world and do all the things i'd love to do.
(printscreen's on my laptop so the resolution's different--stretched a little)
(only the both of us know, and i'm not complaining)
i think my heart just burst and my theres this strange, warm tingling feeling that i havent felt for so long i feel like jumping around non stop and my gummy smile right now is wider than this living room
