-ninth drop-

fare thee well

2009-07-19T22:56:00.016+08:00

EDIT////

OKAY! it's confirmed and cleaned up with a temporary theme (until i'm done with assignments), havent added any columns for links or tweets. SEE YOU THERE.

this is it! goodbye beloved blogger. you have been an important part of my life the last 5 years, moving to new blogs for up to 9 times, from coming to you while i was ill and in pieces, to relapses, to getting better, whole and healed. you know alot about my life (but my diaryland knows more secrets sorry). well thank you anyway. hahahaha.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------......

for several months yat has been trying to get me to leave blogger and join him in tumblr. and as you all know i move only after...a massive relapse is ending. then he said, "maybe for a change you should move because good stuff's been happening, and life's better now" lol. anyway i know this whole moving for bad/good excuses are obviously delusional and crappy (its always a cycle), its just that it has become quite a habit. i still sayang this blog cause its only a few months old. and i've really come to like blogger. very user friendly, plus i'm not really into the multifunction thing in tumblr. lol. but you never know..i had the same lot of excuses 4 yrs ago when i was still pro-diaryland and against blogger (too much hype) then yat got me into blogger back then haha. so..yes this is my final post. :)

here's a last proper update.. had the best time of my life yesterday..and yes we cancelled the beach plan for the 129057206th time. we have only used the card once since we applied for it! and before we got it, we go to the beach almost every weekend! now its been almost 6months (i think)! this is all coffeebean's fault for taking away pure chocolate from their menu and replacing it with doublechoc (bitter). started the day doing something else that was more..fun. lol. anyway then we went shopping, ate heavenly creamchics pasta, chillout at starbucks, and the rest of the day was basically laughing till i teared and talking cock about every single thing that passed by. my bf is my homie <3>parents off to batam today for massive shopping so actually the plan was to have a quick meetup for late lunch..but i woke up with a racing heart, detaching limbs and excruciating hormonal tugofwar. took a long shower, tried to collect myself but eventually decided to cancel the plan when i realized i couldnt even move from my room to the kitchen. but eventually trudged over to make a hot drink, took my heavy pills that refused to work this time, and i couldnt even put sugar in my cup without splattering it all over because my whole body was shaking like i was some crackhead in rehab, and the world was spinning. i felt so bloody drugged and my stomach felt worse (like an overdose..not nice) and my hands and feet were completely numbed, i was sweating like a horse (do they sweat? im sure all animals do, right? haha) and finally gave up. pulled myself to my room and painfully collapsed to the floor, dialled my sister's number and managed to speak, asking her to come over (at this point i couldnt even see, i was shit close to blacking out and i couldnt even hold on to the phone, had to use speaker) and cried in unbearable pain after hanging up. called yat and he was supposed to go to the airport to send some relatives off but he cabbed over all the way from tampy. had about 7times of e throwing-up with my empty stomach in the living room (FREAKING AWFUL) and my eyes were already welled up with hot tears, my mouth was dry, i was rolling around for like 2 hours (pretty short this time) and it felt like my soul was at the tips of my fingers and toes. yat made me a glass of therapeutic tea and massaged my back successfully without me having squirmy spasms or giving him an upper-cut out of reflex (finally!). i also requested for more painkillers hahaha. some time later my sister arrived with lunch and some asam drink her maid did for me but...one look at it and i'd rather have another 3 hours worth of uterotubal war than to come 10m close to that stuff. but thanks hahaha

and it was really nice of her to go all the way to bpp and back to get something very important for me, before heading to her inlaws'. thank you :) and thanks me hearty for spending pretty much on cab fare travelling one end to another quite often lately. thanks for wanting to cook and all that stuff too hahaha <3

on other news, i dont know if what i'm doing is right. maybe its selfish but i'm not ending anything. i'm just..trying to clean up once and for all. keeping a lot of things at an arm's length and keeping all other emotions to my world and nothing beyond that. its like keeping all the water for a piece of land thats been so dried up for the last thousand years. theres a lot of work that needs to be done. its now or never..i need to start being kind to myself.

quote of the day:

you shouldnt mix your meds...you'll end up (like MJ), hooked on painkillers
-yat and my sister

definition of "senyum kambing"

he puts a smile on my face and heart

taking a photo of yat in a suit is like taking a pic of a shooting star haha <3

ps: i love you my darling

pps: school starts tomorrow :(

ppps: will update this post with the blog addr once i've confirmed the move to tumblr.

what 7 months of bumming does to you

2009-07-18T01:49:00.008+08:00

i'm fat now. the worst part is, i'm still pretty skinny but fat seems to be taking perm spot in my stomach and refuses to get metabolized or spread to the rest of the body so i could at least be more proportionate. shall do some situps tonight (yeah right as if a tiny bit of workout gets rid of my fat stomach overnight)

i got a new rs pickup despite being broke as f. quite sad that i missed the c&c (womens)..i also missed the dmp aj1 pack, metallics, the purple teal skylows, the reptile one (just out) but broke. i'm praying so hard i get a job before august cause the true blues are out in august! !@%$!@%$^

anyway when i have my own car i'd like to have this . heaheaheaehehe damn idiotic.

met yat today once he was done with work and we went to town where i also spent ten hours in kino (thank you for your patience. you know what happens to me when i go to book stores). will be chilling at e beach tomorrow (finally making use of our card) cant wait.

mulut kecil <3

"suckkk it innn mannnnnnnn!! lol" -yat

ananas chicken chop rice with thai sauce is damn nice (and its just 3bucks).

fallen pretty deep. <3

ps: yat's got a nailclipper in his bag.

<3

2009-07-17T01:25:00.002+08:00

despite the recent series of such unfortunate events and the lack of luck,
i'm really happy. and today's no exception,
just that i think i've turned to plasma tonight
gonna sleep with a huge smile on my face
thank you
cant wait for tomorrow..and tomorrow's tomorrow, and tomorrow's tomorrow's tomorrow.

ps: new time table is really screwed. i feel like burning down blk 50 and 51.

today

2009-07-15T20:46:00.004+08:00

super crap day today. but actually eversince i got home ive been feeling a lot better. thanks to lunch and some reruns of Friends that yat and i have been catching up on recently.

woke up at 7am with a storm raging outside...almost impossible to get out of bed. finally got up again at 7.30 cause my nephew's alarm was ringing from his watch (at 7.30am??!)..he tucks himself next to me in the mornings when my mum sends his brother off to school. cause he's probably scared of being alone.
ok well he's actually not that bad. when he's not with the brat brother.

anyway it must be the waking up in the middle of such comforting whether that shut my brain down...there was a lot of unneccessary travelling around, like taking a bus to bugis and spending 10 bucks on cab to safra? and then taking train from harbour front to outram and then to aljunied instead of hopping on 80 straight to aljunied. and then taking train from raffles to dhoby ghaut instead of city hall where i can take 960 home, so from dhoby ghaut i took 190 further down to chijmes to take the 960 home. and most of all i dont know wtf i was thinking applying to another lawfirm. went for an interview and i almost killed them. AND THEY WERENT EVEN LAWYERS. the one at safra was pretty tense, also had to do some essay. anyway. god knows where my luck lies but im honestly tired and frustrated. ive a strong feeling i might end up diving into something really crazy (unfortunately not he army. i think?)

anyway dropped by yat's office for lunch in between my two interviews, it didnt even lasted an hour but it was good fun. just the shot of happy hormones i needed. <3

anyway last night before we went to sleep, he smsed me something that completely failed me as a woman (again). he defeated the power of my fury at the peak of my pms (2nd time in 2 months) i wish i could tell you what it was but it would really be...embarrassing. SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

well i hope it rains the whole day tomorrow.

ps: cant wait for weekend i really hope everything goes well

this machine will not communicate

2009-07-14T20:32:00.012+08:00

edit//

look, i really dont care anymore
whatever that i say or do, its simply out of me being me when facing people in such situations
so its not really because i truly feel like this means something to me so im being real nice
because it doesnt
i really dont care because i simply cant anymore
the last time i cared for such things, i get trampled over not once but countless times and by the people i least expected to and over time i think theres nothing left in me that feels anything or treasures anything of this sort
theres no part of me that says its safe to trust anything or anyone
so dont make it sound like everything has so much worth and everything's so special.
dont kid yourself, they arent. and everything's just gonna fade off, grow old and die eventually
so if you want to hate, carry on. if you want to leave, go ahead. you wanna be here? great. dont linger. dont shut down on me as and when you please, and then suddenly, you thank god i'm your saviour or something. once you go, dont ever come back.
this applies to you you you and you and you too, because you're all the fuckin same.

and as for you
i apologize for actually plucking up all that courage to try get hold of something that i thought would completely blow you away on ur big day
and have you actually tell me to stop because you assume i was planning to do something that would really humiliate you (even before you even know what the fuck it was. which really didnt matter, now that i see it)
oh, right. of course i would want to embarrass you. right? RIGHT?
of course i would do something that would totally make you feel like you have your privates exposed, by doing something like, perhaps revealing to the world this (suddenly) embarrassing interest?
right, i would really enjoy doing that on your biggest day.
YOURS. of all the people thats left.
the way you reacted was like a slap across my face
and its not even the real thing that i passed to you
but thank god i know now, how i would make a total fool of myself, more than you think it wouldve been for you, had i actually save it all for the real day.

have a long crap day waiting tomorrow
2 interviews at 2 crappy locations
goodnight

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it barks at no one else but me
Like it's seen a ghost
I guess it seen the sparks a-flowing
No one else would know

Hey man slow down, slow down
Idiot, slow down, slow down

Sometimes I get overcharged
That's when you see sparks
You ask me where the hell I'm going
At a thousand feet per second

backdrifting

2009-07-14T00:06:00.000+08:00

more in lacedhalves

2009-07-13T01:38:00.003+08:00

it is only your smiling face that keeps me going

skipping gloomy sunday

2009-07-12T01:29:00.009+08:00

long post, obviously, but not really babbling-on-aimlessly type. (i think)

well well! i skipped the saturday morning appointment and managed to get my mum to let me off to sarah's bday party! supposedly i cant go out (cause well im not allowed to -_- esp on days when my dad's working) and that the plan was to chill at his place on sunday instead, which i dont usually prefer..because..its set aside for family time..or well, basically some time for ourselves (which i have in overdose, so at least i should try to let him have some)

anyway it was a blast. get to spend time with yat and there was plenty of food, and i learnt something new today too about human behaviour. someday i will look into it.
surprisingly i had an unbelievable time playing oldschool games with yat + the kids (but just the twins, mik, and irfan..whom i believe is so different now, probably just stepped into the first phase of adolescence). most importantly they were all on my side when yat and i started gunning (wrenched the Nerf gun out of his hands and counter attacked, with all of them pinning him down to the corner of the bed while i try to shoot him with whatever rounds ive got. such young, sadistic kids) anyway twas FUCKING COOL I SHOULDVE BROUGHT MY RIFLE. its an odd feeling i get sometimes when i find myself getting along with kids. i used to be fantastic at it...until i had nephews staying with me and being pampered to the core by my parents (that i became forgotten)
anyway i must thank yat for the miracle today. most of all for lifting my spirits up, when i need it most!

i also met an old madrasah friend, who's a year my senior. she's yat's cousin, and..that tiny piece of news (of being former acquaintances) caused such a hoohaa that her dad whom yat and i call "pakcik represent" (since he usually leads in kenduri...and more i suppose) actually got up from his seat and kind of walked a distance to me, where i was putting on my kicks to go home, and asked "AWAK KENAL ANAK SAYA?". i felt like the president just spoke to me and bashfully i answered yes. then he asked how, so i said "Aljunied" and suddenly all at once everyone was echoing each other about how hajar and i knew each other long ago and in some ways we were all connected before we knew each other.

lastly, having seen the massive developments in tampy, maybe i might buy a house in the east someday. its got basically all i'd ever need. from supermarkets and the gargantuan ikea,giant,courts, several massive malls with eateries that west never had (PATSSSSSSSSS) and beaches, parks, skate parks. maybe i'll find a house that has a nice view, non infested, and interesting. ive lived here in bp all my life and all that i love about it is how that bustop in front of my flat has buses with routes that allow me to get to ANYWHERE I WANT. which makes me feel pampered, and i dont usually watch the road when im in the bus so i grew up to be streetstupid hahahaha. theres actually not that great number of malays too, its pretty quiet usually, and pasar malams dont occur that frequently. i dont know if its good or bad, i dont care, but one thing i know is for the last 23 years, ive never explored my estate due to curfews. it had always been school and home back and forth. i was given a little more freedom only when i was in sec 3 or 4, even then, strict early curfews. i was only given the freedom to be home at 11 when i was in poly cause tp was at the other end of the world (used to take advantage of that).

anyway now that im not schooling at the end of the world anymore, my curfews are back. SIGHHHHHHHHH.

this is a long post. i feel sorry for you if you've read all that redundant catharsis, but thanks for being interested anyway. i still have abandonment issues. but i've been genuinely happy.

pics will be up tomorrow i think.

ps: thanks for running in the rain with me to send me off, carrying my stuff even though you really werent supposed to (and i swear i didnt want you to!) at least i got in the cab. you couldve been dry and safe at where we were supposed to part (instead of drenching yourself and then having to run back home again in the rain). love you beyond all skies.

pps: future seems bleak, but still believe somehow the right door is yet to be opened. but its there. and i'll find it soon. hopefully monday has some good surprise. (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE)

saturday

2009-07-11T00:53:00.005+08:00

well. friday turned out to be total crap. from the moment i woke up till right now as i'm typing this (hitting saturday morning). no good news that i hoped for came to me. the whole day has been of complete nothing-ness. spent 12 hours in the living room reading and eating and watching mindnumbing tv (on and off).

which reminds me, i am at the last couple of chapters of Remember Me (yeahhhhhh i finally decided to buy it) so i had pretty much the entire day in solitude, except now and then mum talks to me asking me to translate for her the show she's watching (as usual), and me screaming at the 2 brats over their really really mindless mistakes in their homework.

have an early start today so should be off to bed soon, but i have a feeling i might finish off the book.

anyway yat went to see almost 3 hours worth of the infamous "tranny-in-action" after work
which also explains why my solitude lasted till friday ended. by 12 midnight i was drained, dried, and superfried.

ps: there's like a massive whirlpool in my head. hope my plan for sunday goes well since i cant go out today. i dont really like meeting him on sundays. i dont really like sundays at all. i dont think i like any day of the week. im in complete denial. i think im close to suicide.

----------

EDIT//

just received bad news in the email. this day is as bad as it gets

bits of colour

2009-07-07T00:33:00.005+08:00

EDIT//

edwin:

lol.

he had 3 rounds of interviews with formul8. third one included a surprise test, they were given 4 hours to come up with 4 ads. SO SYIOK.

in the meantime, my day comprised of a series of fucked up travelling around the island for interviews and got lost 102850195 times, ended up in the hearts of industrial buildings with no proper entrances or exits (despite companies being rather well established), getting drenched in sweat for the first part of the day and then drenched in storm on the later half of the day, tore my new skirt, and pretty much a hell lot more.

it only got better when the whole house was asleep and played online games with yat and talked about all kinds of happier things.

ps: alhamdulillah, had a job offer today at an okay office, near a madrasah i used to go to to receive prizes (HEHHHEHHH), with a gd boss, with even better working hours. thinking twice about it though cause i actually have an interview with red cross tomorrow and i really want it!!! :S

================================================================================================

stop screaming. stop screaming. stop screaming.
PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!

true love never ends

2009-07-05T21:43:00.005+08:00

despite your obvious fears you'd always put a hell of a fight
you bite the people who annoy me
you tear apart my school notes
you scream at my ears to wake me up
you're the only family i've got
who'll never ever break my heart
Happy belated 3rd birthday my darling
I love you so~

ps: dear Allah please let tomorrow be good and fruitful!

45

2009-07-05T03:37:00.006+08:00

EDIT:

i know yat will love this cos theres a private joke going on in this particular clip and i wish i could share it here but i cant even find the perfect words for it except..i feel so cheated esp to think johnny ruined it. lol.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

celebrated on two days, -dropped by yat's office and lunched at the canteen -exceptionally SWEET time spent together on saturday sorry too much mush but....ive never had so much fun talking cock and bitching non stop about everything under the sun!!!!! with my best friend. what more could i possibly ask for~

ive never seen the world in so much colour thank you for letting me see and feel even the tiniest joy from the smallest things in this life, quite literally. i now see how dull this life wouldve been if it hadnt been for you. :)

gets better everytime. <3

i know this post is 2 days late but

happy 45th me hearty

i love you.

trials

2009-07-03T00:06:00.006+08:00

i have an interview later at 9am, i dont mind such a job but i dont like this one in particular which the recruiter has recommended and helped me with, because of certain requirements that ~~may~~ will clash with my studies and lifestyle, so im chanting to myself "desperate measures for desperate times". i am already half hearted but i think any more rejection and i could possibly be bumming for life. I only have to tawakkal and hope for the best (and it may not even be this). after all, what's best for me mustn't always start out to be what i like or what i want.

ps: having seen the circumstances, its going to be very hard to be fellow companions. i wish i had answers. this could also be unnecessary, especially with my heart condition..why else would i bother? (to answer this is almost sinful).
i hope fate has something good for me (rather than having destiny in my own hands, as how most people have been suggesting) because i really don't want to risk anything that could lead to aching (myself or anyone).
I'm happy now (finally)

pps: ive always had problems with the word " mustn't "

"i have joy, sir"

2009-07-02T00:57:00.018+08:00

(full view)

today i feel so happy for all the right and wrong reasons
anyway, something to note,
we finally dropped by PR and ate at arnolds! the last time i had them was in ramadhan last year at yat's place!
then we went shopping at uniqlo
oh and thanks for the gift me hearty! <3

yat: (with a priceless expression) WTF? Pussycat dolls???? All this while i thought they were playing some pirated version of "I will survive" or something!!

finally out of the office :)

shopped @ UNIQLO

(an advanced gift for yat) <3

2 halves of spring chicken + buns .
no fries + coleslaw or misc.

ps: thanks for the 45th early gift! :)

================================================================================================

telling from the kind of events that my life has been unfolding (so far) in the most unbelievable, unpredictable manners,
i have ( at the risk of sounding arrogant )
chosen to believe now that you arent good for my heart
(as much as that disappoints, but who am i to say what i'm not meant to know),
and if its so, i'm praying hard that we dont separate again
as how many have died in my life, or drifted much too far
because i'd really like to make this better, and have you as my real friend (at the very least).
on the other hand, if it isnt so,
then...i'd welcome yours with open arms. well Allah knows best
(thank you for letting our paths cross again :] )
either ways, i'd still like you to be that forever friend in my life
for reasons i will never, ever speak of.

you have truly been missed.

morphine

2009-07-01T01:06:00.007+08:00

i missed you
its been so long since we last met
or spoke to each other
i wish you wouldnt disappear like that
we could have been such great friends,
better than how we had started out to be.

ps: i dont like people like you, but i like you.

=====

(sometimes i wish Shrigley isnt a tall englishman, and that i had the chance to meet him 5 years ago)

made

2009-06-30T00:32:00.006+08:00

EDIT://

I dreamt abt Ro last night
I didnt recognize the person who's supposed to be my best friend
I just looked at her
and I couldnt save her.

i woke up with an excruciating heartache.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"a setback is a set-up for a come back"
-shawn

right now,

ps: i'm glad i didnt get what i wanted so badly then, because now i see that it was never good for me. All i needed to do was to hang on a little longer. guess You knew it all along didnt you? thank you for saving me from what wouldve been a blissful stint that would later leave me in devastating pain. subhanallah

time for changes

2009-06-28T20:44:00.009+08:00

edit://

i just read amee's blog again and now i feel like ive turned to dust
wonder how Rasulullah could keep forgiving all those crappy people
and i cant even hear the names of those who caused all this hatred in me when their actions are nothing compared to what he faced

But for humans, if someone were to hurt us, we either cut off the person, or we restrict certain privileges right?

..Each time someone hurt me, I will make doa for the person. The more they hurt me, they more I made doa for the person, the more I would send the rewards of my charity and my recitation of the Qur’an to the person. Even when it got really bad, I would cry and fear that on the Last Day, the person would be accountable for what he/she has done to me. And I would ask Allah to forgive the person because I had forgiven the person.
...love was the only thing that made forgiving that much easier.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

one day i will really run away
or kill someone
or more than just one person
i wish everyone would just leave me the fuck alone
i wish i could disappear or be elsewhere
somewhere living things dont exist to belittle,scream,order,question,breathe down my goddamn neck
somewhere i dont have to carry fake, meaningless ties with people through the years and have you think of it as something with immense worth when its just empty and you dont see that because its all been on your side, like i need your approval to know whats acceptable in life, as if i need to meet your expectations to be a person, and yours and yours and yours too
somewhere people i care about dont suddenly reveal themselves to be monsters who would not only just leave but take everything and everyone with them
somewhere i dont have to be around people who are SO FUCKING LOST in themselves
somewhere living things who cant see justice dont exist
somewhere living things dont vent all the weight on their shoulders on me just because i dont retaliate, because my words are drowned by your sodding screams
somewhere parts of me dont start to disintegrate
somewhere an old companion wouldnt fade away
somewhere i would have a friend

anyway

pics of yesterday's trip already been posted in multiply. theres a tonne here.
yanti got pics of ur beloved NEK JAH. HAHAHAHAHAH

cant wait to meet me hearty soon. monthsary this week LETS CHILLOUT
pack food and we'll go somewhere nice or go on ur duck thing lol
miss you heaps! <3
and thanks for making me happy :}
(maybe you're the compensation for all the heartaches and pain)

the itch is here again

2009-06-27T01:02:00.010+08:00

crap! metallics are out already! and by august, the ever beloved aj3 will be re-released, even though in a colourway that isnt quite a favourite but still! my birthday's in august HMMMMM
lol

and they're also releasing the gladiateurs for the girls..only in MY SIZE (8womens, 7-7.5mens)
DAMMIT!!!!!

(they have em in black too)

also, have heard about MJ's reversion before his passing. Inna lillah wa inna ilayhi raji’un.
(on thursday morning of Rajab somemore...wahlau..he must truly be loved)
may he rest in peace.

MJ vs MJ (start watching 45sec onwards cos its just the blabbering in the beginning)
even though im not really a fan of his crotch grabbing moves, or think that his moonwalks are something to swoon over, or even like any of his songs (ok la maybe a few lol) but jackson seemed to have always been a...soft person, despite all the crappy media.

ok anyway, today i fetched yat from work. SO EXCITING. i bought keropok lekor for myself and bubble tea for him hahaha. must start working on some meetup schedule soon..friday dinner's a must though! :)
we took 80 and ate at harbour front where i bought crappy western food
then i bought cheap shoes! HIGH HEEL OK!!!!!!!! I DIDNT FALL AH!
i just thought...maybe i should keep at least ONE PAIR of women's shoes. with heels. something that wont make me fall. i walked in this particular pair for a bit and so far, so good. hahhahahahahahahaha

no pics today though
need to hog on the phone a bit and hit the sack
~~tomorrow~~ today we're leaving at 5am.
going for the DURIAN PIGOUT TRIP to msia!

ps: i miss you a lot ah.

pps: this ninth blog seems to be more visual compared to the past ones.

lola <3 paco

2009-06-26T00:22:00.012+08:00

EDIT://

YAY something to do on a weekend!

ps: pls visit APPEALS (not for the faint hearted) :(

pps: please also visit PENNY..she needs our help. otherwise you can also spread the word to friends who might be interested to adopt/donate. THIS OLD LADY IS REALLY VERY..POOR THING.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

congrats to me hearty for getting the really nice job! second job interview..and already started. [snagglepuss] on the same day even! [/snagglepuss]

anyway.

a turning point into a new phase of real life has just begun (soon for me too, i hope!!) for a moment, i had this sudden asphyxiation as the thoughts of past, harrowing experiences suddenly gushed over me. but i think, i'll be alright. this is real. this is for..ever. this time will be better, insyaallah.

i'll be alright.
we'll be alright.

alhamdulillah, things have been rather swellllll.

everything's definitely gonna be alright. :)

ps: this is for you

MAN OF THE DAY

2009-06-23T22:32:00.004+08:00

apek wearing bright blue wig at bedok interchange, walking around aimlessly.

Wake from your sleep
The drying of your tears, today we escape, we escape
Pack and get dressed, before your father hears us, before, all hell breaks loose
Breathe, keep breathing, don't lose your nerve, breathe, keep breathing
I can't do this alone

Sing us a song, a song to keep us warm, there's such a chill, such a chill
You can laugh a spineless laugh
We hope your rules and wisdom choke you now we are one in everlasting peace
We hope that you choke, that you choke

-thomyorke

knowledge is king

2009-06-22T20:11:00.004+08:00

i told you, meds are crap. i know one secret to happiness! anyway u can read more here

i love this kind of food. <link>

dad's

2009-06-21T20:41:00.010+08:00

EDIT///

Alhamdulillah!!

I PASSSSSEDDDD MY EXAMSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!

i was so scared i had my eyes closed and was prepared to see Cs or Ds or even U. sitting for exams with my kind of near-death period cramps is no joke.
i guess my TMAs helped me with the score cause i know how i answered the exam papers.. now i just need to maintain the current gpa if i wanna get into hons or maybe try build up some more so its in the completely safe level. hope it works out. YAY.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I forgot to put hanie in it too :(

i spoke to rohaidah today and we are meeting soon.
Dear Allah please please save her..

ps: what i listened to when i was working in advent, quit, and ended up in (worse) mna.

haylhaylhayl

2009-06-21T00:00:00.007+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAYLEY TERESE P. !!!!

may happiness find you and give you strength to face the one thing that freaks you out (life). live well and live strong..and dont give up coke (you wont anyway HAHAHA).
and lastly..TAKE IT EASY
:)

foreign attack

2009-06-19T14:28:00.009+08:00

i have so much hate and anger in me, sometimes i wish i dont know people so i can be liberated from blinding, torturing evil that creeps up and suffocates me.

anyway.

(backups for our ritual rounds of Uno. reliving our childhood)

yat will kill me without mercy for posting this but i really need to snap out of this funk
he "coached" me on the moves spontaneously and yes i did hi-five the air somewhere in the middle, where i also danced madly on my own thinking he had stopped the recording (which he didnt). this was quite some time back, with 2-min setup for "props" and some fuckin budget editing. (it was never meant to go public)

the kind of crap we do. its so lame and idiotic that it was actually massive fun. you seriously cannot imagine.

anyway,

t-rex is officially, affectionately known as Aargh (inaudibly. just the facial expression)
and yes i am sometimes too blur and clumsy (maybe cause i always know at the back of my mind its alright as long as yat's around)

ps: i need to leave this place.
pps: i think i feel a bit better now.

dreams are for fools

2009-06-15T22:38:00.006+08:00

someday i'll get myself this

and this (in black of course)

and THIS

ps: flightclub's having a sale! AND I AM STILL BUMMING!!!!
#*%&!&%^*!=@#$

trying to get started with...SOMMMMEEEthing

2009-06-14T13:09:00.004+08:00

:) <3

i'm sorry, i know i keep recycling this picture!! its the least blurred photo thats got our hands and feet exposed, I NEED A NEW CAMERA.

ANYONE REMEMBERS LAMBCHOP????

PS: SAM/YANTI: KATA NAK TGK CITA HANTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

secret weapon

2009-06-12T21:01:00.004+08:00

i was about to explode at the most hazardous peak of my pms when yat just made me burst laughing (alone, in my room) and skillfully let himself off the hook.

today, for the first time, i have failed as woman.

NERVOUS and hopeful :(

2009-06-12T17:01:00.007+08:00

i dont think i've ever been so honest (maybe too honest!) in an interview
i think i blabbered like an old story teller
i had to see 4 big shots (women) who sat in front of me listening to me pouring my heart out
with a shaky voice and tried to laugh the nervousness off!

SIGH. im so scared if i mightve screwed it up by talking too much! hopefully my luck turns out the same as how it did for the study award. (insyaallah)
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY!

(except when they ask u where ur last job was after u've worked in mna)

anyway, yesterday was a very happy day despite the super scary start
i'm in love! :)

a typical scenario. the bird was originally sitting on top of the aircon thing and looking and chirping to Hanie, before turning away and flying around. the birds around my neighbourhood like to pay "visits" to Hanie and drive her mad because...she can never catch them. (no matter how low or still she tries to be) poor Hanie. maybe i should give her a bird or some small animal for her to torture. Hanie doesnt usually eat pests she catches and slaps them around :)

Yat brought me PW to eat at pats again!!!!!! :D

an odd moment.

doomed

2009-06-10T01:22:00.006+08:00

i'm not one who eats healthy
so for years my parents have been forcing me to eat those multivitamins
anyway at GNC few nights ago, when my dad was buying his regular supplements, i finally bought this, much to my parents' joy (despite it actually being recommended for kids. but...ANYTHING to make me eat this kinda shit)
anyway i thought it wouldnt kill to buy, especially when the packaging made it look sweet

BUT IT TASTES AWFUL. nowhere close to their "great taste like candy" description. not only are they sickly pale and the size of a 20cent coin, they taste like those pink, thick syrup that doctors prescribed to me when i was a child. i feel so cheated!!! how do people actually eat this kind of stuff!!!
I'M NEVER GONNA BUY THESE SHIT AGAIN.
I WANT TO BURN GNC!!!!

and now every morning my mum asks me "have u taken one?" and when i say no, she'd literally force it into my mouth and say "DONT BE SO STUBBORN. THESE ARE GOOD FOR YOU!!! U NEED THESE!!!"

I'M SO DOOMED. IVE GOT ONE FUCKING BOTTLE TO FINISH.

ps: my days have been very unproductive lately, i cant seem to get started with plans. i'm slowly decaying.

everything in its right place

2009-06-07T15:54:00.018+08:00

EDIT//

the things we always do in the bus.
theres far worse (u cant imagine)
and this one, is nowhere close. hahahahaha.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i know i was supposed to update on our 44th but i was too busy bumming, and i guess i'm not gonna update after all HAHAHAA. its all in my multiply lah.

all i got to say is, i was late despite arranging to meet at jurong east..yat's really getting way better than me at being punctual (considering he stays at like, MIDDLE EARTH). so anyway because i was a bit late we didnt have time to eat at Pats or anything so we headed straight to science ctr and bought like 20 pc nuggets, fries and coke and we talk cock all the way, before the day actually started. i had an incredible time and i'm happy and contented.

subjective well being is more inclined towards quantity. keep doing things that make you happy rather than saving yourself for one big happy moment.

but screw positive psych, something we learnt from a film,
the secret to happiness is.. simply having fun.
and thats something i'm pretty sure we're good at,
especially when we can literally laugh at the every single shit that passes us by,
talking about anything and everything with such comfort and finding the joy in whatever the topic may be.
from the start, yat's brought colour into my life and stopped my brain from chewing itself up.
laughter is REALLY the best medicine.

C: I don't know why we do this.
B: Come on, come with me.
C: Ok, what are we doing here?
B: We came to see that (they look at Arizona's patient that got better, everyone crowding around him with smiles on their faces)
S: What?
B: The joy. It comes around rarely, so rarely we forget it can happen. But that, that's why we do this. The joy.

and when things get sour, i suppose we're back to how things used to be pre-NS when we could talk everything out and not let it snowball for days. or giving me some time to cool off before talking it out (so i dont become fucking unreasonable and mentally-torturing kind of nasty) .seriously, ns is fucked up and im glad its over. i'm even more glad to know i made the right choice.

and after 44 months, my heart still races when i see him walking towards me from the other end of the train station with that huge smile plastered on his face and that familiar rhythm in his steps.

last night we went to nike's private event for the launching of the 3rd colourway of the yeezys. unfortunately we didnt win the ballotting..(i really shouldnt be blogging about this) but that also meant that we've got more pocket money in hand! i'm really sure that it all happened for some better reason. it was..an odd mix of an experience. still, we won some goodies and vouchers lol

pics in multiply btw

(calming each other from the nervewreck)

happy and dancing in the bus

sorry if there's too much mush in this post
once in a while i need to remind myself that it's not so bad after all.

theres a lot of things im planning to do.
i used to miss being depressed because i had an overflow of ideas and creativity although i keep the world at an arm's length
but being happy makes me feel brave to take on the world and do all the things i'd love to do.

i'm gonna be alright.

HAPPY.

2009-06-05T02:22:00.002+08:00

had the best monthsary ever.
will update this post soon. gotta go sleep!

more pics in multiply!

so this is love

2009-06-03T00:11:00.013+08:00

first mail i received on 3rd June 2009

(printscreen's on my laptop so the resolution's different--stretched a little)

(only the both of us know, and i'm not complaining)

i think my heart just burst and my theres this strange, warm tingling feeling
that i havent felt for so long
i feel like jumping around non stop and my gummy smile right now is wider than this living room

HAPPY 44TH !! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

i love, love you too :')

whole new world

2009-05-29T02:55:00.014+08:00

EDIT::

Today's Mail !!!!!

:D
alhamdulillah !!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

good morning fellow dotcommunists

last night i laughed so hard (hardest one eversince a long time) till i cried
i'm still high right now
and i'm pretty sure i've been high for more than a week

also the night before, i was talking on the phone before going to bed
and something miraculous happened
whatever i heard, i'm not fully sure if it truly happened but ive an odd feeling it did
and i think i've finally let It go
i feel a strange sense of triumph, gladness
a sudden, relieving freedom from a prolonged, constant ache
like a clotted heart that finally got cleared and fixed. :)

unfortunately this isnt about the cause of my crash years ago
this is more important, its what ive been kept in me for a while. simply looking past it and letting it stay there
making me walk with a limp

i'm bidding goodbye to Hime (its about time!)
whatever it's changed to has important reasons behind it lol
anyway this is probably what they meant when they say
life has just begun
(this isnt a fugue, trust me)
its like...an epiphany

ive got so many things i'm planning to do
its gonna take a while and a quite a bit of effort
BUT I CANNOT WAIT. *insert super huge smiley from ~~ear to ear~~ from wall to wall*

i'm happy.

And even if my house falls down now
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me

And I want to thank you
For giving me the best day of my life
Oh, just to be with you
Is like having the best day of my life

to s1:
1) looks like we need to change the header for our multiply site (cos no more H!)
2) challenge do supra poster!

to my ghosts: goodbye fuckas

old

2009-05-28T23:32:00.007+08:00

when i was ill
i used to love watching Girl Interrupted
..frequent enough to even have a favourite scene
it had a sickly awesome feeling watching daisy's delusional recovery to finally succumb to the deadend
and at the same time it marked suzanne's turning point and self determination for recovery when she returned to the hospital

When you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream.
But seeing death, really seeing it, makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous.

god knows why i used to be so drawn to stuff like that
maybe it was the ironically comforting feeling i got watching people being liberated from...feeling.

quick

2009-05-26T23:55:00.006+08:00

thanks me hearty <3 :)

--------------------

ok first of all, here's the latest update:

I'm back on deviantart.

k anyway, i plucked tons of courage and finally went ahead for a graphic designer job. during the interview, the geek of a boss made it clear to me how outdated i have become. i feel sooooo old...and demoralized and obviously no good for the designer world (which, to be honest, isnt something that attracts me. not one bit. but, desperate times called for desperate measures). so ive decided that instead of sleeping and dreaming of food i might as well do some work of my own while hunting for a proper job.

anyway, i dont have much to say because i've nothing to comment on. hahahaha.

life's been very kind and despite some monster-moments, i've been happy. happy as in the 2007 happy. which naturally translates as : cant be any better. (patience and long wait has paid off)
alhamdulillah!

ps: very worried abt exams results.:(

this is on you and you, assholes

2009-05-22T13:03:00.003+08:00

i think i need to go for anger management course.
its gone quite out of hand to a point that i dont even remember what is not-angry like when im angry, and it keeps escalating until i really wanna go out and shove a pitchfork down somebody's throat. and i keep very quiet that i scare myself because i could almost feel my blood running like hot magma underneath my skin, waiting for me to burst into flames.

i miss being..insipid.
and tolerant.

i think i need to zikr more.

(ps: me being a monster doesnt mean that you didnt do anything wrong either)

Blink and you'll miss it

2009-05-21T20:07:00.005+08:00

Meredith (closing voiceover): Did you say it? 'I love you. I don't ever want to live without you. You changed my life.' Did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work towards it, but every now and then, look around; Drink it in 'cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.

Derek: I wanna be with you forever, and you wanna be with me forever. In order to do that we need to make vows. A commitment. A contract. Give me a piece of paper.
Meredith: I don't! I... I don't. I have Post-Its!
Derek: Okay. What do we wanna promise each other?
Meredith: That you'll love me... even when you hate me.
Derek: To love each other, even when we hate each other. (writes it down) No running. Ever! Nobody walks out. No matter what happens.
Meredith: No running.
Derek: (writes it down) What else?
Meredith: That we'll take care of each other, even when we're old, and smelly, and senile. And... if I get Alzheimer's and forget you...
Derek: I will remind you who I am, every day. (writes) To take care when old, senile, and smelly. This is forever. (signs it)

random

2009-05-17T23:01:00.003+08:00

favourite scene. (ignore the glitches in the first few seconds)

ps: im not really a fan of animated movies. well except maybe disney (used to be)

:)

2009-05-17T04:34:00.001+08:00

my day just ended with a huge smile on my face.

confession

2009-05-15T23:35:00.009+08:00

i think i get angry quite often because i get delusional
yat is a complete opposite and when he pulls me out i am pretty resistant and i spit back at him instead
i dont think any of you can understand the above statement in its actual sense.
even i found it hard to really understand until..last night.

i also think i have become this horrible throat slitting monster because of what happened in 2005
before, i was a disgustingly timid person its no wonder i was safe from a lot of things
i guarded myself pretty well from everything and everyone, and retreat when it gets hard and cry rather than fight.

i do miss myself, but i dont think i could feel the happiness i feel now (despite relapses...im trying) if i had never met yat because he is the only not-complicated person ive ever met. although i get angry more and more often lately, possibly out of my own deliria, he's actually not that bad. in fact, he's the best ive ever had. (he also supports me when i want to kill people, evven when it includes him.) <3

i really like him.

ps: got something planned out for 44th! :}
pps: hayl i havent really slept (real sleep) for 2 weeks... u should just borrow my eye bags to carry ur luggage to KL and u'll have enough space for a year's worth of storage.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT:::

Link.

FUCK!!!

Luggage

2009-05-15T03:57:00.019+08:00

Edit:::

DUNKIN' DONUTS ARE COMING BACKKKK TO SGGGG!

(take that you mthrfkg copycats of costly, anorexic donuts!!!)

====================================================================================

i have a couple of short term goals.
as soon my exams are over, i'm gonna make sure i can at least get some speed!!
ive lost all the confidence :(

"its over. you cant let all the past continue to move on with you. If not how to go on and start something new? You confuse yourself."

anyway... final paper on monday.

i n v i n c i b l e .

all

2009-05-13T22:33:00.001+08:00

He doesn't care.

great pain. :(

2009-05-12T23:42:00.006+08:00

today, i relived the day i sat for my social studies paper in 2002. the only difference was, today i managed to hold back the puking till i got home. most significant similarity was, i only had 45min left to do when i felt fair amount of strength to finally think and write (without turning purple).

all i'm hoping now is i dont flunk this paper (like how i did for humanities in 2002)
because i studied my fucking ass off for this 3rd yr paper (like how i did for humanities in 2002)

x-games-er

2009-05-10T21:49:00.009+08:00

EDIT:

tonight, i am a very happy girl.
thank you for making me very, very happy. ♥

ps: to my 2nd sister:

HAPPY 28th

BIRTHDAY!!!

sorry i didnt get you anything today.
lets make next sunday really happen!!! :}

pps: im not gonna wish happy mother's day to my mum here unlike what most bloggers are doing. quite lame, esp since she doesnt read my blog (duh) hahahah.
but happy mothers day to my sisters lol u guys are still non-motherly idiots in my eyes. <3

ppps: let me know if the happy birthday words appear messed up on your pc. (any of you who reads this)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

friggin garing!!!!!

:}

2009-05-10T01:05:00.005+08:00

Minister: And, now the couple will read their vows.

Izzie: Oh, we didn't write anything.

Alex: No, wait. I have something I wanna say.
Today's the day my life begins. All my life I've been just me. Just a smart mouth kid. Today I become a man. Today I become a husband. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. Today I become accountable to you. To our future. To all the possibilities that a marriage has to offer. Together, no matter what happens, I'll be ready. For anything. For everything. To take on life, to take on love. To take on possibility and responsibility. Today Izzie Stevens, our life together begins. And I for one can't wait.

Izzie: I love you.

dispositional optimism

2009-05-09T22:43:00.008+08:00

it was like putting bandaid over a wound that was far too deep
but im not gonna think about it anymore
its all over, shackles off and i know all the shit wont tag along anymore after this
i swear i dont know how i've survived.
i dont care if the last chance was a major disaster
i dont care if what happened tells me to just let everything go
i dont care
because its all over

the nightmare is over. i'll be alright.

i had a good time today, although i was thirsty all the time.

Baker's dustin dollin deck

Tensor trucks, Reds bearings and plain black wheels

HANIE! <3

and...my mum. having the time of her life. -_-

-

2009-05-09T04:23:00.002+08:00

in a little while
I'll be gone
The moment's already passed
Yeah it's gone

i'm not here
This isnt happening

stranger

2009-05-06T02:17:00.003+08:00

It's like a dime a dance
I'll take a chance
I will because he needs me

Noone ever asked before
Before because they never needed me

For once, for once in life I've finally felt
That someone needed meee~
And if it turns out real,
Then love can turn the wheel

Because
He needs me he needs me
He needs me he needs me
He needs me he needs me

project

2009-05-04T22:14:00.009+08:00

EDIT//

i suddenly recalled this one time when yat and i went to northpoint i think, and i was at the ladies when 2 makciks (50ish age group) walked in. one was wearing this "hip" pair of shades with short, "wild" bronze hair, the other, i didnt notice cause she rushed straight into the cubicle. the bronze makcik didnt go into any cubicle she just waited for the other lady as she "did" her hair. They continued chatting when suddenly this short convo totally made me want to slip, fall, and roll on the floor laughing hard

Cubicled Makcik: Eh Kau ada pad tak?? (do u have a pad?)

Bronze Makcik: Har? Asal?? (why?) ----> [STUPID QN.]

Cubicled Makcik: Aku datang benda ni la! Leceh ah..(i have it. so troublesome.)

Bronze Makcik: (softly) Aku mana ada lagi... (I dont have it anymore.)

Cubicled Makcik: Ah??

Bronze Makcik: (SNAPS) AKU NI DA MENOPAUSE LAAA!! (nonchalantly adjusts her big frizzy hair and her shades. toilet was pretty dim btw.)

Cubicled Makcik: Oh. K takper. (ok its fine)

TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR OK.

i didnt know what to do i just ran out of the toilet with a red face and burst laughing as i told yat the story. we continued laughing loudly right outside the ladies (quite loud) then we ciao-ed. we laughed even harder when we bumped into them again a short while later. HAHAHA.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I CANNOT WAIT FOR SATURDAY.

restart

2009-05-04T03:53:00.007+08:00

EDIT:

why are the photos so big? i cant seem to upload using the normal manual uploader
cause the window for it will jam so im using their url uploader
and now they're displaying my assface so...extravagantly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

what a good day with an even better ending
celebrated 43rd with me hearty
its like a jab of morphine during a prolonged, unbearable pain.

i also got to know a friend better today and i'm glad we kicked off well :}
monday's finally here, i'm really hoping for some good news (please please please) !!

frm yat

yat: hope u like it. i put lots of sheep for u. i miss you

i cant help but laugh. thank you. i missed me too.

more in portytree.

constant buzzing

2009-05-02T16:55:00.007+08:00

To make an amend is not just to apologize. It’s to make a thing right.

Mer:
We cant undo our mistakes and we rarely forgive ourselves for them.
Of course, "I'm sorry" doesnt always cut it. Maybe because we use it in so many different ways. As a weapon, as an excuse.
But when we are really sorry, when we use it right, when we mean it, when our actions say what words never can, when we get it right, "I'm Sorry" is perfect.
When we get it right, "I'm Sorry" is redemption.

ache

2009-04-30T17:51:00.003+08:00

this has gone way beyond my ability to cope
i cant make it stop
i cant make it stop.

idiot, slow down, slow down

2009-04-30T00:36:00.013+08:00

It barks at no-one else but me,
like it's seen a ghost
I guess it's seen the sparks a-flowin,
no-one else would know

Sometimes I get overcharged,
that's when you see sparks
They ask me where the hell I'm going
At a 1000 feet per second

i got a job offer
when i think about my school fees my normally-innocuous-organs start cartwheeling
but there was a familiar, haunting feeling about that office
probably warning me not to fall into the trap again (maybe cause i'm traumatized)
so. to sell my soul for the sake of school ( worse, i may need to travel sometimes!)
or to remain patient and...possibly die? (or end up thankful)
decision due friday. how nice.

as i took a long cold shower minutes ago
i felt the weight of the exhaustion starting to sink in like huge boulders
i need to stop
i need a holiday (fucking dream on)
i need something new.
i need some happy sparks.
i need a change
i need some fucking acceleration, this has been a complete drag!!

well, i'm not gonna find it. it'll happen when it happens hmm
strange, that just brings me back right to where i started.

ps: someone told me, i dont have to be told what to do. if i'm thirsty, i'd grab a drink. if it's not safe, i cant keep it. if its hurting me, i need to put it away. if i'm injured, i should nurse it. waiting for the doctor will only lead to more bleeding in the meantime.

pps: grey's ep21 will be on today!!!! CANNOT WAIT. *starfish dance*

sunset after the rain

2009-04-29T00:05:00.006+08:00

hee :}

today i sat alone for 5 hours with books and laptop that thankfully lasted for abt 2 hrs
then i wasnt alone, and so i waited for the sun to set

i like how the leaves float lifelessly and let the waves rock them side to side
i like the thought of how they'd hope to drift further away and never hit the rocks
i like how it had a subtle, comforting rhythm
i like how the sound they made was a warm invitation for me to join them

i made a little boat out of a thin piece of paper. it stayed afloat for a very, very long time, despite the strong waves. :}

and then the sun was gone, but the sky was kind enough to let bits of orange linger a little longer for the fishermen (and me). it was too comforting to end.

my camera may be dying
but it still gave all that its got =]

How come I end up where I started
How come I end up where I went wrong
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out then you cut the string

You used to be alright
What happened?
Did the cat get your tongue
Did your string come undone
One by one

ps: i've started to draw again. not a good sign.

stuck in reverse

2009-04-28T11:39:00.006+08:00

i cant be more worried than i am now! i hope i didnt screw up this morning's S.A interview with my too-honest answers, i'm really just hoping for the best (insyaallah). i reaaaaalllly need that award!

asyraf: aku mcm ada feling those yg shortlisted will get

(I hope you're right)

will be heading to wcp later on, weather's really great, especially the impending-storm kind of chill.
i'm determined to cover at least 4 chaps from positive psych, i was supposed to have done 3-5 yesterday but :(

i have so much things im planning to do once i'm done with the papers.
i also need to look for frames. 2 really large frames.
ive got a huge grey's poster!! :}
and i still have got the fucking big nike zoom team poster. god knows where i'm gonna put these up, i dont really want to cover up so much of my clean purpley walls. :B

maybe i'll go buy a house today.

ps: trying to keep my head above the water. i'll be alright, i'll be alright.

solitary solace

2009-04-27T02:51:00.007+08:00

the military has proven to kill 2 people i have loved and replaced them with a couple of empty vessels..
maybe i should really join the force too and get rid of the stranger stuck in this (soon) 23yr old (and virgin :} ) body thats suffered immense damages beyond repair.

an old friend posted my formerly favourite quote from fight club in his fb.
reminds me how far i've come and how, strangely, i seem to be reliving it all.

i'll be alright.

We're rotten fruit
We're damaged goods
What the hell, we've got nothing more to lose
One gust and we will probably crumble
We're backdrifters
-r.head

next exit

2009-04-26T19:41:00.012+08:00

talking to you can sometimes (when you stay put) be so therapeautic. i wonder why?

it's starting to creep in. i hope it'll be gone soon..
in other news, exams in 2 weeks and ive yet to get started. maybe i will shut everything down and marathon tonight. hmm.

and when (or how) did that happen?

ps: hanie's been really funny (and talkative) lately.
i adore her more each passing day.

returning it in pieces

2009-04-26T15:18:00.005+08:00

ep20

2009-04-25T04:59:00.001+08:00

Meredith:

But, even when our hopes give way to reality and we finally have to surrender to the truth, it just means we've lost today's battle. Not tomorrows war. Here's the thing about surrender, once you do it, actually give in, you forget why you were even fighting in the first place.

gonna start proper mugging tomorrow
and
gonna start putting the wall up

blog gypsy

2009-04-22T21:48:00.002+08:00

ninth blog.
If i was a cat, I'd say i'm now living my ninth life.

I'm a problem
That'll never
ever be solved